"Sucker Punch" or "The State of Mindless Filmmaking"

So I saw this movie. Missed the first few minutes because it started at 1:30 p.m. and we left at 1:30 p.m. Yeah, no time management skills. So the movie was just what I needed. No thinking really. Just slow-mo action sequences against gigantic mechanical samurai, clockwork German soldiers, and iRobot ripoffs. I didn't expect an intellectual stimulation. I just wanted to see a movie that would satisfy my thirst for simplicity. "Sucker Punch" filled this need.

It also provided a bit of a twist, which I found interesting, but not mind-boggling. The back of my mind saw the twist coming, but I was more interested in the diversion provided by the slow-mo sequences. Really, I couldn't care less that the story was basically an amalgamation of four or five different movies (i.e. Kill Bill, Burlesque, and others). Now, I'm not comparing these films, just pointing out obvious parallels that are few and far between. Such as a blonde wielding a katana, a la Kill Bill. The films are in no way similar beyond that.

Overall, I got a cheap chuckle here and there and sufficiently entertained myself for an hour or so on an otherwise boring afternoon. No it wasn't film history or great storytelling or anything that makes great movies great. It was just a nice change of pace, and a nice distraction from schoolwork.

"Truth and Emotions: The Irreconcilable"

So, I was going to go see Sucker Punch tonight. That plan failed. So instead this:

Maybe I'm crazy, ok I am crazy, but the current social circles frown upon truth in regards to emotion. For instance, a person may be particularly annoyed at a roommate but to air the grievance is taboo. Leave things be is the gospel of the day and that just doesn't make sense, at least not to my partially addled brain. Furthermore, any sort of anger in response to a perceived slight is, we are taught, better off repressed and saved for later. The Internet age provides avenues for blind rantings to relieve pressure but this is simply avoiding the problem of the culture. Gone are the days of calling a spade a spade. Truth is not acceptable in matters of emotion. If something makes a person sad, angry, happy, it can never be said. This is especially true for guys, I think. I don't really know because I am not a female. Imagine that.

So when one meets someone who is a funny person and generally fun to hang out with (and do not take this the wrong way or I will anonymously rant on various other websites), one cannot simply say, "Hey, you're fun! Let's hang out more." Things get awkward. No matter what gender is involved. Maybe I'm just socially inept (a distinct possibility).

So given that even open expression of true friendship is dicey at best, what is a person to do when faced with actual amorous attraction (haha alliteration)? I myself have been shot down many times, trying many different angles, strategies, ploys and the like. HOW THE FUCK DOES ONE WIN THIS GAME?! One doesn't simply walk up to a girl and say, "Hey there, you're smart, funny, and I'd like to get to know you better, here's my phone number." THAT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK!! I call this the "We Should Hang Out" rule or "WSHO" for short. WSHO invariably goes nowhere. It's a falsehood enabled by the qualifier "should." "Should" defuses obligation (not that anyone is obligated, I'm speaking purely from a linguistic standpoint) and therefore this doesn't work either. Again, I'm probably just inept.

So truth and emotion are parallel and separate ideals. One can't tell the truth about emotion openly without compromising some social standing. It's a little screwy. At least I think so.

"Rebecca Black" OR "A Depressing First Blog"

This past Friday I had the extreme personal misfortune to be exposed to the latest super-meme. I was shown the meme "Rebecca Black: Friday." This may have been the most painful musical experience of my life. The lyrics were unimaginative, flat, and emotionless. Now, Ms. Black is thirteen years young and was provided with the lyrics to this song by Ark Music Factory. She was also given a budget with which to produce a video.

The video was an atrocity all itself. It began with her waking up singing about eating cereal. She then proceeded to wait for the bus, at which point her friends drove up in a convertible. Not only were they not wearing seat-belts, but they were also sitting on the trunk of the car. The lyrics began to muse about which seat she would take. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT SEAT DOES SHE TAKE? She's not sure if she should sit in front, apparently in the lap of the girl who is already sitting there, or the back. Really. I'm not making this up. But the most egregious offense has yet to be mentioned. How exactly does a thirteen year-old have a license yet alone a convertible?

God help me for blogging about this...The singing, oh the singing. I have no idea if she is a good singer or not because the prevalence of the auto-tuner completely overrides any sound that can be construed as the natural human voice. Additionally, Ms. Black apparently has no knowledge of the dreaded diphthong. "Fry-ee-day" is the way she pronounces "Friday."

And here's where things get strange. In the third verse of the song (he called it generously), a rapper appears driving his car, rapping about being behind the school bus and how excited he is that it is Friday. Who is this mysterious stranger? More importantly...WHAT SCHOOL BUS?! SHE WAS WAITING FOR THE SCHOOL BUS BUT SHE HOPPED IN WITH HER THIRTEEN YEAR-OLD FRIEND WHO APPARENTLY HAS A LICENSE AND A CONVERTIBLE! WHERE IS THE BUS?!

Ahem, I've calmed down a bit. However, the lyrics make reference to "partyin', partyin', YEAH!" and I cannot conceive of a universe in which a just and loving God would allow an 8th grader to sing about partying all weekend. To paraphrase Lewis Black (no relation), we only use a small percentage of our brain. When we hear or see something outrageously stupid, our brain yells "LET'S FIGURE IT OUT!" The next morning you wake up dead in your bathroom from the aneurysm caused by the coincidental experience of a happenstance so outrageously stupid that it behooves me to find more hyperbolic language with which to describe it. Sadly, I cannot. Words fail in the face of this...meme. This meme has over thirty millions views, almost two-hundred thousand comments, numerous spoofs and parodies and my brain can't take it. I watched the video. Twice. It did not age well.

May God have mercy on my soul.